Friday night's Chavurah Shabbat shined a bright light on Beth Israel's many "second families" that are the source of such warm communities in our congregation.
Representatives of many chavurot celebrated at a Shabbat dinner preceding the service. Then, during the service, we heard from three longtime chavurah members about what their chavurah means to their families.
Gayle Wise, Larry Krause and Heidi Gantwerk each delivered beautiful remarks to the congregation:
Remarks by Gayle Wise, Orli Chavurah:
Our Chavarah was created by Bonnie Graff as an “empty nesters” group. Most of us of a similar age found ourselves, as many do, missing family and longing to make the connections that enhance the “mature” years.
On May 20, when Rabbi Cantor Bernstein elaborated on Rabbi Berk’s interpretation of the word...”Rabbi,” she made the association to the word, “friend...” We can obtain friends in one of two ways according to the Talmud...one way is by purchase, and the other is by free association and choice.
Orli became a Chavarah about 12 years ago...and filled by choice...in a way that has meant more to George and to me...than I can ever say.
Many of you know that last December 14 was the beginning of a medical odyssey for George. What was to be a serious, yet uncomplicated procedure...ended up being one of those things that we often call...”Our lives changed in an instant.”
The early morning of his surgery found one couple from Orli at our door with lunch for all of us as we would be waiting...along with a dinner invitation for me and my daughter....they insisted we not be alone that night.
Rabbis Berk and Satz visited...and their patience and prayers meant so much to both of us.
After his surgery, he was in rehab for about three weeks...during that time he was visited daily by various members of Orli...with everything in hand to cheer him...from hot chocolate mix, best sellers...and to MY delight and chagrin...many, many boxes of Sees candies. Again, I received dinner invitations and calls...all asking, “How are YOU doing...”
Members in the medical field called...to check on him and to tell me...”If there’s anything you need to know...or just to ask questions, I am here for you.”
Their presence served to cheer him...and let him know he would come back. “good as new.” The food kept coming...from one member who knows I have an aversion to raw onions...two versions of her famous egg salad...one with onions for George...and one without for me!
He did come home...tired and “gimpy, “ but convinced he would be fine.
January 16 brought a setback...the kind one doesn’t wish on their worst enemy...and again, Orli swung into action. From our beloved neighbors who locked our house and saw to the dogs when I had flown out to follow the paramedics...to the couple who actually sneaked into the ICU at Scripps La Jolla...without the password assigned to anyone who wanted to check on him! We were touched beyond belief.
Home again...and temporarily unable to drive...he has been blessed with the “chauffeur” services of our Chavarah and other close friends....all from other Chavarot.
We had a brief scare again on April 27th...again, our Chavarah neighbors came to our aid...and my gratitude again...is boundless.
I believe we are at the place in our lives...when sadly, many of us have suffered the loss of parents...and perhaps siblings...and we fill those places with friends...and those friends take on greater meaning...because we all know, we “chose” them...and perhaps the coinage we use...is hoping that we can give back everything they provide to us...support, love, and most of all the confidence....that we are not alone.
When my husband Andy and I first came to San Diego, we planned to stay for 2 years while he completed his post-doc. It was hard to imagine leaving the East Coast and our extended families, with whom we celebrated holidays, simchas and other major events. We drove out here in August, taking our time to start a new life on the other side of the country. After landing in Solana Beach from Brooklyn, and getting over the amazing fact that apartments here come with parking, all of a sudden the High Holidays were upon us.
I will never forget our first Rosh Hashanah. We went to services at a congregation of strangers, and came home to an empty condo. I had ordered an apple cake from Baked by Etta. The smallest one you make, I told them. And I swear that cake would have fed 20 people. I sat staring at the cake, feeling terribly alone, wondering if we would ever find a Jewish community and a mishpucha in this foreign land.
Fast forward 18 years, three kids and a minivan, and I can say we have found our mishpucha, and it is our congregation and in particular, our Chavurah. I had never heard of Chavurot before coming to CBI. But we connected with a friend of a friend, who invited us to join them. And all of a sudden, every holiday we were surrounded by a community. Every Chanuka, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, and many many Shabbat evenings, our Chavurah has gathered, often with other friends and members of CBI, to celebrate together.
Our Chavurah has evolved over the years, as most Chavurot do. Families on occasion come and go, and after taking a break we reformed several years ago into a group of people that have shared the highest highs and some more challenging times together. A short list of the things our Chavurot have experienced together:
Births: several babies were born in our Chavurah, including two of mine, and my children have no experience of not being part of a Chavurah. We have a few years until the birth of grandchildren, but I expect to be there to share that too!
Deaths: My husband’s parents both died and our Chavurah was there, supporting us, feeding us, sitting shivah and coming together when we needed them
Bar and Bat Mitzvot: We have been lucky to be part of a community celebrating the b’nai mitzvot of some truly incredible teens who we have watched grow up together
Unexpected tragedy: When the Cedar fire hit, one of the members of our Chavurah lost their Scripps Ranch home. This group of people came together to do whatever we could to support them through that terrible time.
Leadership: Our Chavurah has tied our members to CBI in many ways and many have taken leadership roles. We serve on the board, chaired the Women of Beth Israel, served on committes, planned events and most recently, we have watched one of our own become the president of the congregation, and we wish her a lot of luck! And we promise, we’ll still be there for her when its over.
Music: Everyone in our Chavurah is connected in some way to the musical life of CBI, through the youth choir or the chai band, and in many cases both, and music is an integral part of our experience and our connection
Israel: our entire Chavurah was together on the Youth and Teen Choir trip to Israel, an experience that solidified and expanded our relationship with each other and other choir families, and eventually led to gatherings and community experiences like the 613 and friends dinner that has morphed into a community wide event.
And the smaller moments in life: the difficult times and the smaller pleasures. We have watched our kids perform in shows together, commiserated about the stresses of work and parenthood, spent Valentine’s day and Memorial days together, studied Torah together, hiked together, disagreed vehemently about all sorts of things, taken many many pictures and eaten a lot of good food.
My extended CBI family is warm and wonderful, and Andy and I and our kids feel lucky to be a part of this congregation. Our Chavurah is at the core of that experience, and we look forward to many more years together.
Remarks by Lawrence Krause, Chavurah Kol Emet
Sallye and I had no family in the area when we moved to San Diego in 1987. We had always affiliated with a Temple wherever we were living, and in short order we joined Congregation Beth Israel. However, since my appointment and assignment at the University of California, San Diego was to help build a new graduate school, that task occupied all of our time and that included Sallye who helped turn a collection of scholars into a department. We seldom made religious services at CBI. In time my academic work began to ease and we could do other things. We were introduced to the idea of a chavurah and we joined Kol Emet where we have remained a member ever since.
Chavurah Kol Emet did several things for us. It massively expanded our circle of Jewish friends, indeed our closest friends are in Kol Emet. It introduced us to individual spirituality through the Havdalah service that was written by someone in the chavurah and for the chavurah as we meet on Saturday evenings. The chavurah also opened up another side of CBI to us, and we availed ourselves of other opportunities to participate in Temple activities that were originally designed as Kol Emet events. After reaching Emeritus status at UCSD and the free time that implies, we became regular and frequent participants in all of the activities at CBI. Congregation Beth Israel is our second home, and our chavurah was the path that enabled us to reach it, for which we will always be grateful.
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